If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
