please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
