..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
