were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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