this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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