you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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