Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
