thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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