I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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