He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
