Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
It was like getting head from an anaconda
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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