Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
