i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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