Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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