My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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