She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
