too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
