Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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