Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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