He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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