i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
