Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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