I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
