were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I think my moral compass just broke
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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