idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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