you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
