It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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