i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
