is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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