living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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