Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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