To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
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