thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
