I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
