I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
