i jhust puked up my retainher.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
