Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
