gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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