My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
