I hate all girls vehemently.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
