totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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