i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I just blew my weed a kiss
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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