been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
