I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
