I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
