Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
