Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
