I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
