JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
