the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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